Slowing Down in a Culture of Urgency
These days, I'm slower than ever.
And I’m the best I've ever been.
Happy, productive, present, and more intentional.
When I realized that not everything needs solving immediately, my life started becoming simpler. And slower.
This came to me over time, with the help of my clients, but the mindset shift really hit me the other day while I was on my morning walk.
I was listening to an episode of Saturn Returns featuring Gabby Bernstein. They were speaking to how the smallest of trauma can affect the way we live without us even knowing it.
So I started to think, “Is there something I do that stemmed from a small trauma?”
My immediate response was to look into my past perfectionism. My desire for absolute control over everything in my life. Why did I want that in the first place? Why did it sprout in middle school and affect the way I treated myself up until five years ago?
I kept asking why and took deeper steps into that mentality.
My perfectionism was a response to things being out of my control.
What was out of my control?
My mind started snowballing responses - My parent’s relationship with themselves and with their children. When we did well, we felt more noticed. We didn’t feel like a financial burden. If we did well, they wouldn’t have disagreements as much.
These realizations hit different.
My perfectionism started when I would combat their disagreements with good news about grades, accolades or extracurriculars. That was the response to my small trauma.
Then before I knew it, I was constantly trying to be the best, which led to some major burnouts well into adulthood, even after their divorce. It became my mindset until my body finally told me this wasn’t the way in the form of a severe panic attack in a work cubicle (more on that another time).
Still walking and processing these thoughts, my mind made an important connection - Perfectionist trauma is real and it doesn’t help that we live in a culture of urgency.
We are so used to having an answer at our fingertips:
If you don’t have the answer, I’ll google it.
Dealing with a minor inconvenience? There’s an app to solve that.
If you don’t have the answer in a meeting? Someone else will.
It’s almost like we grew up to consider speed as a factor in an individual’s success.
Back then, I was used to being the one with all the answers, so when I didn’t have one I would get defensive or frustrated feeling like I failed. It wasn’t until I started working with my ideal clients that they made me realize not everything needs to be solved immediately. I learned panicking and overthinking are not the right ways to find a solution.
Creating pauses, sleeping on it, taking your time were now part of the vocabulary.
That’s why a slower, more intentional lifestyle is on the rise today. People are burnt out. People are becoming aware of their own trauma to heal - big or small. How that affects their lifestyle and engagement with others. How urgency has a negative effect on our society at large.
When I found out about my design’s strategy a few years ago, it was my chance to really lean in on breaking my perfectionist habits, listening when others say “not a priority”, “take your time”, “sleep on it” and making it my lifestyle now.
You don’t have to wait 30 days in order to slow down, but next time you feel anxiety or panic rise in your chest from someone asking you to make a decision or come up with a solution…take a breath. More than likely you can answer in your own time.
Nothing is urgent.
Sending love from NYC,
